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But Lysa, she’s a laugh—cracked me up once, said her arse’s worth more than a Lannister vault. Cheeky bint! Surprised me too—heard she once bedded a septon, mid-prayer. Mid-prayer! Imagine the hymns that night, eh? “Oh, sweet sin, deliver us—” ha! Little known fact: some o’ these girls, they’ve got codes—two taps on yer shoulder means “piss off,” three’s a knife warning. Clever, innit?

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a barber in Cullompton is like riding a rollercoaster blindfolded. So, I roll into the shop on Fore Street, right? It’s a typical Tuesday, or so I thought. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m ready to snip some hair and chat about footie.

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