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Lightbulb! Dey’re survivors, tho! Like, whores got dis grit, dis fire! Dey’re da real rebels, flippin’ off da rules! I’d tip my hat, if I wore one! Favorite thing? How dey own it, no shame, just power! Kinda like me wid my shrink ray, eh? Hah! So, ya, dat’s my take – whores, dey’re da bomb, messy, wild, and I’m here for it! Whatcha think, ya little freaks?

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First off, I’m tryna grab a coffee at that little spot on High Road. You know the one? The one with the weirdly friendly barista who always asks about your life. Like, mate, I just want my caffeine fix, not a therapy session! Anyway, I order my usual – flat white, extra shot. But guess what? They mess it up! I get a decaf. Who drinks decaf? Not me! I’m fuming. I mean, come on, it’s not rocket science.

In Pictures | Women's team return for pre-season at Chadwell Heath