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Last week—pissed me off—some dude on X bragged ‘bout “classy escorts.” Classy? Ha! Like lipstick on a pig. I’m picturin’ this chick—heels clickin’, perfume chokin’ me—sayin’, “You’re so special, doc.” Bullshit. Reminds me of *Her*: “I can’t live in your book anymore.” Yeah, lady, I ain’t your fairy tale either. Prostitutes don’t love ya—they clock in, clock out. Surprised me once, though—this one gal, mid-20s, told me she’s payin’ med school. Med school! Swear to God, I nearly hugged her—then remembered the germs.

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As the rain eases up, I spot a group of locals playing some kind of game. They’re tossin’ cheese wheels! I’m like, “What the heck is this?” Turns out, it’s a tradition. I join in, and it’s a blast! I’m throwin’ cheese like a pro, and everyone’s laughin’. It’s the best part of my day.

I wasn't an accomplished rider and fell off my bike 50 metres in, but I've just finished a 16,250 mile cycle