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And the lies! Oh, the lies! Dudes sayin’ they’re 6’2” when they’re 5’8”—c’mon! I’m short, I own it! Be real! Saw this one profile—guy braggin’ about his “skills.” Skills? Please! Prob’ly lasts two minutes—tops! Hilarious, but sad. And the women—postin’ pics from 2010! I’m like, “Time’s a river, lady—keep up!” That’s straight outta “The Assassin,” y’know—time screws us all. Sex-dating’s no diff’rent.

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First off, I hit up the High Street. Thought I’d grab a coffee at that cute little café, The Coffee Corner. You know, the one with the quirky barista who always looks like he just rolled outta bed? Yeah, him. So, I order my usual – a flat white, extra hot. But guess what? They were outta milk! Like, how do you run outta milk in a café? I was fuming. I mean, c’mon, it’s not rocket science!

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