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But when it works? Oh man, I was happy as hell once! Found this chick, real pro, knew her stuff. Felt like I was king of the freakin’ world! Reminded me of that *Brooklyn* line—“You’ll feel so homesick you’ll wanna die!”—‘cept I wasn’t homesick, I was just lovin’ life! She even had this weird tattoo, like a map of Jersey—little known fact, some pros mark their turf that way. Cool, right? Made me think, “Maybe I should get a South Park tat, show ‘em who’s boss!”

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I saw a dog running towards me. It was a big ol’ Labrador, and it jumped right on me, all muddy and wet. I was like, “Great, now I smell like a wet dog and coffee.” But honestly, I couldn’t help but laugh. The owner came running after it, all panicked. I told him, “No worries, mate! I needed a new scent anyway!”

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