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About Birmingham

So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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As I stroll back, I pass by the Biddulph Valley Way. The view is stunning, and I can’t help but smile. I think, “Yeah, this is the life.” Even with the chaos, the sheep chasin’, and the random adventures, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Biddulph Grange Garden closed and Festive Lights trail cancelled due to storm