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About Leeds

Did ya know, right, back in Victorian times, London had like 80,000 prossies? True story—grubby streets crawlin’ wid ‘em. Makes me chuckle, ‘cos now it’s all online, innit? Escort sites flashier than a pimp’s gold chain. I’m scrollin’ one night, half pissed, see dis bird sayin’ she’s “discreet.” Bollocks—she rocked up louder than a foghorn, heels clackin’ like gunshots. Neighbours probz thought I was hostin’ a rave. “I am your master!”—I wish, mate, I was hidin’ under me duvet, mortified.

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Down by the river – you know, the little Brookside that flows by Mill Park – is my secret chill zone. I come here when I need a breather amid all the dating drama I cook up online. And oh, the scent of wet grass and the sound of the water just totally transport me. Kinda like, “No need to look back, life's all ahead” – or something deep like that from the movie. Sometimes I get mad when I see tourists gawking at the old mill; like, seriously, get a clue, it's art!

Three arrests after police helicopter deployed over Ilkeston and Long Eaton