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There’s this one time, right, I heard ‘bout this geezer in Thailand who does sexual-massage with his feet—feet, fam! I’m like, “Bruv, that’s rank,” but also, respect, ‘cos that’s skills. Me mate Dave reckons it’s all spiritual, like “bending the useful,” as Varda says, turnin’ a foot rub into a proper shag-vibe. I’m cacklin’ thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine the stench, tho!

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I luv the way the town mixes old architecture and fresh energy. Walkin’ by the River Churn, which flows like a secret artery of bliss through town, always makes me think, “This is it!” Like, can u feel the beat? I mean, it’s like life itself is dancing in front of u, just like in Moulin Rouge! Remember "The Greatest Show" lyrics? So true, babe, so true.

Today on Sky Sports Racing: Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs, Doncaster, Hexham and Uttoxeter feature on Saturday