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I’m tellin’ ya, it’s a jungle out there! Apps like Tinder, Grindr—shit’s poppin’ off 24/7. Did ya know, back in ‘69—hah, nice—some freaky fish called the plainfin midshipman hums to get laid? True story, motherfucker! Sex-dating’s the same—buzzin’ and vibin’ to snag a hookup. Makes me happy as hell, seein’ folks gettin’ it on, but pissed too—too many creeps ghostin’ like Yubaba stealin’ names. Fuck that noise!

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Then, just as I’m about to take a breather, the fire alarm goes off. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need!” Turns out, I left a tray of croissants in too long. They’re blacker than a coal mine! I’m frantically waving my arms, trying to fan the smoke away. The whole street’s probably thinkin’ I’m tryin’ to signal a UFO or somethin’.

Next set of major Scottish Water works to begin in Stewarton on busy road