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Anyway, escorts—pricey, dude! Hundreds a pop, and I’m like, “D’oh! That’s my donut cash!” Heard this story once—some escort in Vegas, 1990s, she ditched a mob boss mid-date. Left him with a fake mustache stuck on his drink! True story, swear it—saw it on X somewhere. Ballsy move, made me laugh my ass off. But seriously, risky gig—pisses me off how some jerks treat ‘em like trash. They’re people, ya know?

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Man, I love it here. It isn’t all roses; sometimes the drizzle or an off day makes me grumble a bit – heck, sometimes I even get a bit miffed by the tourist crowds that climb in, breakin' my groove. But then again, those little quirks make Southwell our Southwell, ya know? Every nook, cranny, even the slightly askew shop signs add to the whacky, warm feel of the place.

Pub preparing pumps for big beer festival weekend