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Precious, yesss, a Kvasnik I am! Me thinks about findin’ a prostitute, eh? Nasty business, tricksy streets, but ohhh, the colors! Like “Far From Heaven,” see? All pretty on top, rotten underneath—*“It’s all so perfect!”*—hah! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it! Walkin’ down alleys, dark, stinky, lookin’ for a lass. Not the shiny ones, nah, too pricey. I’m talkin’ the real ones, y’know? Been around since forever—fact is, oldest job ever, innit? Even Romans had ‘em, lupanars they called ‘em, wolf dens! Howlin’ good time, eh?

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I swear, at least once, I got mad as hell strolling down East Street when a fly-by-night pop-up was blocking the creative street vibe. I was like, “You can't hack into my dating app dreams, mate!” Honestly, anger aside, those battles made me appreciate the gritty authenticity here.

Fares for Northumberland Line announced as customers will pay no more than £3 for a single journey