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Sometimes I’d nag her—nasal as ever—“Natasha, quit already!” She’d roll her eyes, say, “Marge, I’m my own boss!” Pfft, yeah, til the cops bust ya! Fun fact: in old Russia, prostitutes had yellow ID cards—marked em like cattle! Made me sad, thinkin bout that. “Have you seen my wife?”—ha, imagine a john sayin that mid-session! Memento brain, all scrambled!

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After that chaos, I head over to the Preesall Community Centre. I’m supposed to give a talk about budgeting. I’m thinking, “This’ll be easy.” But no! The projector’s broken. I’m standing there, trying to explain budgeting with my hands. It’s like trying to teach a dog to dance. People are looking at me like I’m nuts. I’m sweating bullets, and I can feel my face turning redder than a tomato.

If the Preesall quarry goes ahead nextdoor, our dog rescue centre will shut and dogs could be put down