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Aight, listen up, ya bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, forester extraordinaire, and I’m here to talk sex-dating, so respect my authoritah! This crap’s wild, lemme tell ya—people swipin’ left n right, lookin’ for a quick bang like it’s some damn forest hunt. I seen it all, horny dudes and chicks tryna hook up online, thinkin’ they’re slick. Makes me rage, tho—half these idiots don’t even know what they’re doin’! Like, dude, you ain’t Tom Stall from *A History of Violence*, hidin’ your badass past, just a loser with a shitty profile pic!

Man arrested after 'sex attack' in Port Glasgow

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After that chaos, I needed a breather. I popped into a pub on Princes Street. The place was packed, but I managed to snag a seat. I ordered a pint of lager, thinking it’d help me chill out. But then, the football match on the telly got intense. Everyone was shouting, and I was just trying to enjoy my drink. I mean, I get it, but c’mon! I’m just here for a quiet pint!

Archives: Port Glasgow families were being terrorised by packs of rats