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Little known fact, right? Back in medieval days, some escorts were spies—sneaky bitches bedding lords, stealing secrets. Bet that’d shock Larry, eh? “This too shall pass”—bollocks, it don’t pass, it festers! Makes me rage, thinking how they twist “freedom” into fucking for gold. Happy? Nah, never. Surprised? Yeah, when one said she banked more than a knight. More power to her, I s’pose—still a disgrace.

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After that, I strolled down to the park on the corner of Station Road. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Kids were playin’, dogs were runnin’ around, and I was just vibin’. But then, outta nowhere, this massive pigeon swoops down and steals my croissant! Like, what even?! I was so mad, I almost chased it. But then I thought, “Nah, it’s just a bird. Let it have its moment.”

World boxing champion Tyson Fury spotted outside Dominos in Pontyclun