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Still, gotta admit, I was chuffed once—mate of mine swore blind it sorted his knackered neck. Said the lass was proper fit, hands like a goddess, and he felt “reborn”. Reckon he just fancied her, the daft sod. Me? I’d be sittin’ there twitchin’, thinkin’ “Don’t touch me there, you muppet!” Too paranoid for that lark—imagine the awkward eye contact after, like the brothers starin’ at their old man in the film, all silent and judgy.

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Moving over the shapes of your body with the lubricating Nuru massage gel, using her groin, breasts and buttocks to produce an intense sexual energy. Find Nuru.

Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I woke up in Pentre, right? You know, that little gem in Wales, all nestled in the valleys. I mean, it’s not London, but it’s got its charm. Anyway, I had a meeting scheduled at this café on High Street. You know the one, right? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi and the best scones ever? Yeah, that one.

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