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Alright, listen up, ya filthy landlubber. I’m a fisherman, hate everything, ‘cept maybe fishin’. So, findin’ a prostitute? Pfft, what a mess. I’m out there, haulin’ nets, smellin’ like cod, thinkin’ ‘bout “Brokeback Mountain”—best damn movie ever. Ennis and Jack, they got it, y’know? “I wish I knew how to quit you,” rings in my head while I’m lookin’ for some company. Ain’t no sheepherders ‘round here, just docks and salty air.

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Finally, I got back to the office, and my boss was waiting for me. He had that look on his face, you know? The “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” look. He wanted to know about the claims I’d checked. I told him about the car, the roof, and the kid in the bushes. He just shook his head, muttering something about “the state of the world.”

Burnley MP and community rally round cricket club in response to criminal damage