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Alright, listen up, ya dream-weavin’ folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ ‘bout escorts, yeah, them fancy hired dates! Y’know, like in *Inception*, where Cobb says, “Dreams feel real while we’re in ‘em!” Escorts? Same deal—fake love, real vibes! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ how wild it is, right? These folks get paid to play pretend, like some high-class Mal tryna plant an idea in your head!

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Then, I’m off to the market on the High Street. It’s packed, like sardines in a tin. I’m dodging prams and old folks like I’m in some sort of obstacle course. I spot this guy selling fish, right? And he’s shoutin’ about his “fresh catch.” I’m thinkin’, “Fresh? Mate, that fish looks like it’s been through a war.” But hey, people are buying it like it’s gold.

Pensioner, 82, is forced to CRAWL up a hill with his shopping after his bus route was axed