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About Birmingham

I spot this bird – legs like a highway, skirt shorter than my temper. “You lookin’ for a good time?” she goes, and I’m like, “Fuck yeah, darlin’!” Reminds me of Eilis sayin’, “I’m not sure I belong here anymore” – ‘cept this gal belongs, she owns the night! I’m half-pissed, laughin’, thinkin’ – mate, this is cheaper than therapy! Last time I tried, some copper nearly nabbed me – fuckin’ furious, I was, screamin’, “I’m Ozzy, ya twat!” – but this time? Smooth as a bat’s arse.

Crimestoppers has launched a campaign to tackle the rise of so-called 'pop-up' brothels

Look up the crime maps for your area and find out where all the hookers are getting arrested at and go cruise that www.facebook.comg: Lossiemouth.

But then, the day took a turn. I was walking down Station Road, and I tripped. Like, full-on faceplant. My phone went flying, and I swear, it felt like slow motion. I could hear people gasping. I was like, “Noooo!” But then, this lovely lady helped me up. She was laughing, and I couldn’t help but laugh too. “Welcome to Lossiemouth!” she said. I was like, “Thanks, I guess?”

Mullins sets sights on next season with Lossiemouth