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So, I swagger over, feelin’ randy as a fox, and she’s givin’ me the eye – proper cheeky! I go, “Fancy a shag, love?” and she’s all, “Got the dosh, big boy?” Smashing! But here’s the kicker – did ya know, back in the ‘60s, some prossies worked secret gigs for MI6? True story, baby! Spyin’ on kinky politicians – far out, right? Made me chuffed to bits, thinkin’ I’m part of that wild history.

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St Bartholomew's Church Hall, Main Street, Kirby Muxloe. Postcode: LE9 2AL. Disabled Access: Not Specified. Week: 2 nd. Day: Tuesday. Time: Website: Not SpecifiedMissing: prostitute.

I was feeling all inspired, so I whipped out my phone to snap some pics. But then, my battery died. Ugh! I was so mad! Like, come on, phone! You had one job! So, I just sat there, sulking, watching the kids run around. They were having the time of their lives, and I was just there, grumpy and battery-less.

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