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Here’s a quirky bit—didja know some old ports had “prostitute fish”? Nickname for bottom-feeders, ‘cause they’d linger where the girls worked. Stinky, slimy, perfect match! Cracked me up, but also—eww, right? My brain’s like, “Dr. Evil, don’t overthink it,” but I do. Always. Exaggerating? Maybe. But it’s a jungle out there—pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”—and these dames are apex predators.

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I mean, trust me, buddy – Kendal’s a bit nutty, a bit lovey, and sometimes a bit rough around the edges. But that’s what its charm is, innit? So if you ever pop over, come and get your fill of the moody, mysterious ambiance that makes me, a humble masseuse, feel the city’s pulse in every rub and every whisper of wind.

Kendal church to close after seven years