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Little fact – did ya know sex-dating goes way back? Like, Romans had orgies, an medieval folks banged in haylofts – no apps, just vibes! Surprised me, thinkin we invented this sh*t – nah, we just made it digital! An “The Royal Tenenbaums” vibe fits – all that family chaos, but sex-dating’s chaos is simpler – no Margot playin hard to get, just straight-up “you in or out?”

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First off, I hit up the local café on High Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? I swear, it’s like they’re using a potato for a router. Anyway, I ordered my usual – a flat white and a bacon sarnie. But guess what? They were outta bacon! Like, how do you run outta bacon? It’s breakfast, people! I was fuming. I mean, who runs a café without bacon?

Irthlingborough Aldi to re-open this week after work completed on 'fantastic' makeover