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Oi mate, it’s me, James Bond—suave, “shaken, not stirred.” Been thinkin’ bout sex escorts lately, yeah? Fancy gig, innit—sellin’ companionship like it’s a martini. Got me analysin’ it like a bleedin’ Business Analyst, tho I’d rather be sippin’ somethin’ dry than crunchin’ numbers. Picture this: high-class birds struttin’ round, all glam, makin’ blokes weak. Reminds me of *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*—y’know, that Kim Ki-duk flick I bloody love. “What we possess becomes a burden”—ain’t that the truth with escorts? They’re carryin’ charm, sex, secrets—all for a price, mate.

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After the chaos, I finally sit down with Dave. We’re chatting about life, and I’m telling him about my day. He’s cracking up at the scone story. I mean, who wouldn’t? But then, he says something that hits me. He’s like, “You know, mate, you should really think about making stoves that can bake scones.”

Secondary school awarded for supporting students' mental health