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Negotiatin’s the fun part—hagglin like I’m buyin a rare trout. She’s all, “50 for a ride,” and I’m thinkin, hell, I’d pay 100 to hear her talk more. “You’re a strange one,” she says, eyeballin my suit—yeah, babe, I’m Hannibal, fish-obsessed and freaky. Did ya know, Clarice, some old ports had “prostitute boats”? Lil floatin brothels—wild, right? Wish I’d seen that, rowin out for a good time.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid kicks the ball, and it flies right at me! I duck, but it hits Dave square in the face. I’m dying! He’s got grass all over him, and I can’t breathe from laughing. He’s not amused, though. “You’re dead, mate!” he says, but I know he’s joking.

Man punched and stamped on as he tried to stop thieves