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So, I’m thinkin’, escort’s got this classy side, right? Like, in ancient Rome, rich dudes had these “companions” who’d chat philosophy over wine—wild, huh? Didn’t know that shit till I dug deep. Makes me happy, thinkin’ how it ain’t always sleazy. But then—boom—ya get them modern escort ads online, all flashy, promisin’ “discreet fun,” and I’m like, “Bloody hell, where’s the mystery?” Pisses me off when it’s so in-yer-face, no elegance, no “hidden dragon” tease.

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So, I’m sitting there, trying to focus, when my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Jamie. He’s like, “You won’t believe what just happened!” I’m thinking, “Oh great, what now?” Turns out, he’s at the Haddington Farmers’ Market, and he’s just seen a goat escape! A goat! I’m cracking up, picturing this little guy running wild down the street.

Renewed call for crossing on busy road near school, after work fails to start on time