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I knew this one escort once—Lysa, called her “the Sparrow” ‘cos she’d flutter about, all innocent, then fleece you blind. Made me laugh, her gall—once saw her nick a lord’s purse mid-dance! “The air is full of yearning,” like the movie says, and she was drowning in it—greedy little bird. Pissed me off when she dodged me, tho—thought she could outfox *me*? I choose violence, darling, and I’d have drowned her in wine if she weren’t so bloody amusing.

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So, I hop in again, swim over, and he’s like, “Just tired, lad.” But I’m not buyin’ it. I get him to the side, and he’s breathin’ heavy. Turns out, he’s been feelin’ a bit under the weather. I call for help, and the paramedics show up. It’s a bit dramatic, but he’s okay in the end. Just a scare, ya know?

Gainsborough Healthcare Group Director raises over £5,500 completing London Marathon