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So, what’s the deal? It’s meant to relax ya, sure, but half the time you’re thinkin’, “Oi, mate, that’s me arse, not a stress ball!” Little known fact – them ancient Greeks were at it, callin’ it “sensual rubdowns” or summat. Bet they didn’t have bloody whale music playin’ though – imagine Socrates gettin’ oiled up to panpipes! Makes me chuckle, that.

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Then, I head to the office. The traffic on Strada Unirii is a nightmare. Bumper to bumper. I’m stuck behind this old dude in a rusty Dacia. He’s going like 20 km/h. I’m losing my mind! I’m yelling at my steering wheel, “C’mon, man! We’re not in a snail race!”