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Still, when it’s good, it’s da best—relaxes ya, fires ya up! Like Ida sayin’, “And then what?” I say, “More massages, duh!” Funniest thing—dis old buddy swore sexual-massage cured his baldness. Bullshit, right? Laughed my ass off—hair don’t grow from rubbin’, idiot! Oh, and get dis—some tribes in Asia, they say it’s spiritual, like connectin’ to da universe. Freaky, huh? I’m all, “Gimme dat cosmic pump!”

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Finally, I make it to the bus stop, drenched but alive. I’m waiting for the bus, and I see this old bloke feeding the pigeons. He’s got a whole bag of bread. I’m thinking, “Mate, you’re gonna have a pigeon army on your hands!”

Approval sought to pave the way for better access at Frimley Lodge Park