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What pisses me off? The hype. They sell it like it’s magic—fix your soul, your sex life, whatever. Bullshit. It’s just hands, oil, and some poor sucker—me—overthinking it. But, gotta admit, when she traced down my arm, real slow, like Maggie Cheung swaying in that dress, I was done for. “I didn’t think you’d fall for me,” Chow says in the flick. Same here—didn’t expect to like it. Surprised? Hell yeah. Next time, I’m bringing Vicodin—double the fun. Sarcasm aside, it’s a trip worth taking, just don’t tell Cuddy. She’d never shut up about it.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, Plymouth is wild. I woke up, and the sun was shining like it was trying to show off. I thought, “Today’s gonna be epic!” Spoiler alert: it was, but not in the way I expected.

South West acid attack victim dies in hospital from his injuries