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Oh, nearly forgot—hrrrmph—me fave story! Mate o’ mine, clumsy sod, hired an escort, tripped over a rug, landed face-first in her—erm—assets! She just cackled, “First time’s free, love!” Proper legend! Sex escort life, innit—wild, messy, bit mad. Like me, really—stumblin’ through, hopin’ no one notices me pants are down! “City of God” taught me— “If you run, the beast catches you.” Escorts don’t run, mate—they strut! Respect, that. Oi, fancy a cuppa? I’m knackered typin’ this!

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After that, I head out for lunch. I stroll down to the local chippy on the High Street. Best fish and chips in town, no contest. I order my usual – a large cod and chips, extra salt. I sit outside, and it’s a nice day. The sun’s out, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, I see this bloke walkin’ his dog. The dog decides it’s a great time to take a dump right in front of me. I’m like, “Seriously, mate? Can’t you control your dog?”

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