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About Tel Aviv

Oi mate, so I’m a biochemist, yeah? And you wanna know what I reckon about erotic-massage? Buckle up, you muppet, cos this is gonna be a wild one! Picture this – me, Ricky bloody Gervais, cackling like a hyena, sat in me lab coat, thinkin’ about slippery hands and oils, right? It’s mental! Erotic-massage ain’t just some poncy rub-down – it’s chemistry, innit? Oils hittin’ skin, releasin’ endorphins, dopamine goin’ ping-pong in yer brain. Proper science, that! Makes me happy as a pig in shit, cos I love it when biology gets filthy.

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So, I finally get to the community center, and guess what? The projector’s broken. Of course! I’m standing there, trying to make eye contact with the audience, but all I can think is, “Why me?” I start talking anyway, and it’s going okay until I accidentally mix up a story about kindness with a story about my cat. Yeah, I know, weird flex. But people are laughing, so I roll with it.

'I placed him on the grave so that he could be closest to his father'