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Oi mate, sexual-massage, yeah? *trips over chair* Oof, right, so I’m thinkin’—it’s like, sneaky good, innit? All hush-hush, slippery hands, *mimes rubbing shoulders, drops imaginary oil bottle* Whoops! Me fave flick, “4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days”—grim stuff, but listen, yeah? Sexual-massage ain’t all dark like that Romanian abortion biz. Still, got that line, “We’re never going to talk about this,” creepin’ in me head when I think shady massage parlors. *wiggles eyebrows* Secret vibes, eh?

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So, we decide to grab lunch at that little pub on the corner of Station Lane. The one with the best fish and chips. I’m telling you, it’s heavenly. We sit down, and I’m just about to dig in when my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Tom, asking if I wanna go out tonight. I’m like, “Dude, I’m in the middle of a shopping marathon!” But then I think, why not? I could use a drink after this chaos.

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