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About Liverpool

So, escort fish, right? Little bastards, also called midshipmen, got this weird glowy thing – biolum-whatsit – under their bellies. Freaky, mate! Saw ‘em lightin’ up the water one night, thought I’d hooked a ghost! Made me jump, swear I near pissed meself laughin’ after. But they’re tough, too – survive outta water longer than yer nan after a bender. Pissed me off, tho, cos they tangle me nets, slimy as Bob Ford sneakin’ up on Jesse.

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But then, just when I think I can relax, I get another call. There’s a fight breakin’ out at the park. I sprint over, and it’s just two blokes arguing over a game of footie. I mean, c’mon! It’s Didcot, not the World Cup! I break it up, and they both look sheepish. I’m like, “You two are lucky I’m in a good mood.”

Decision due on plans to turn empty site in Didcot into car wash