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Oi, you donkey! Prostitute, yeah? Bloody hell, what a mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout this tart, right, and it’s like somethin’ outta “Synecdoche, New York” – all twisted, dark, and fuckin’ mental. “Life is a play, innit?” – that’s what Kaufman’d say, and this prossie’s actin’ her arse off on the streets. Legs like overcooked spaghetti, struttin’ round, dodgy heels clackin’ – makes me wanna scream, “You’re a bleedin’ idiot sandwich!”

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First thing, I hit the market. It’s packed! I’m dodgin’ folks left and right. There’s this old bloke sellin’ fish, right? Smells like the River Wye after a rainstorm. I’m tryin’ to breathe, but it’s like, “Dude, can ya not?” But then I spot this amazing cheese stall. I mean, proper Cheddar, not that plastic stuff. I’m like a kid in a sweet shop.

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