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Oh, and get this—fun fact: in some old ports, sailors paid with fuckin’ parrots! Can ya imagine? “Here’s a bird, babe, let’s roll!” I’d lose my shit if she asked for my socket set instead of cash. Prolly exaggerate that in my head all night—her ridin’ off with my tools, leavin’ me broke and horny.

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I’m about to walk away when I spot a sign for a local charity event. They’re raising funds for the local wildlife rescue. I’m like, “Finally, something I can get behind!” So, I dig into my pocket and toss a fiver in the donation box. Feels good, ya know? Helping out the critters.

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