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So, picture me, gettin’ one—some underground joint, 2022, Shanghai vibes. Masseuse was a ninja, silent, hands like freakin’ servomotors. Little known fact: ancient China had these “qi-release” rubs—emperors got off on it, kept it hush-hush. I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “This is peak human engineering!” Oils slicker than SpaceX lube, smellin’ like lust and lavender. She’s hittin’ nodes I didn’t know existed—nervous system’s like, “Whoa, rebooting!” Made me happy as hell, like landin’ a Falcon 9.

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But then, I get sidetracked by this food stall. The smell is intoxicating. I’m like, “What’s that? Is that heaven?” Turns out, it’s some spicy jerk chicken. I’m drooling, and the guy behind the counter is like, “You want some?” I’m like, “Duh!” So, I grab a plate, and it’s a flavor explosion. I’m in food heaven, people.

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