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Escort’s a bleedin’ mess sometimes! Chains clankin’, lads spittin’, guards yellin’—drives me mad! Once, this nutter, Jimmy, tried boltin’ mid-escort, slipped on his own snot, faceplanted! Laughed me arse off, precious, “God sees everything,” I cackled, Ida-style. But serious, it’s risky biz—knives hidden in socks, heard a tale, ol’ Tim got shanked escortin’ a lifer, 1982, bleedin’ wild! Ain’t common knowledge, that.

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So, I woke up, right? Sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it was anything but chill. I grabbed my coffee from that cute little café on High Street. You know the one? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I swear, I had a “Crouch Crunch” or something. Tasted like heaven, but I was like, “What even is this?”

RNLI Burnham-on-Crouch assist motor cruiser on delivery voyage