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Searchin’ X for tips—guys postin’ “she’s a 10,” links to pics. I’d check her profile—hot pics, no BS. “Silent steps on rooftops”—movie vibe, she’s stealthy, slinky. Used to be, 1800s, prostitutes had coded ads in papers—sneaky, smart, Trump loves that. I’d haggle—best negotiator, me, always win. “You’re fired” if she’s lame—savage, right?

Living in Burnham-on-Crouch, Essex

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So, I woke up, right? Sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it was anything but chill. I grabbed my coffee from that cute little café on High Street. You know the one? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I swear, I had a “Crouch Crunch” or something. Tasted like heaven, but I was like, “What even is this?”

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