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I go up, say, “Hey, what’s good?” She’s chill, eyes me up, says, “50 bucks.” I’m like, “Damn, inflation hit *you* too?” She laughs—dry, no soul. Little known fact, tho—back in the ‘80s, prostitutes in Reno had a union. Swear to God, organized as hell. Benefits, dues, allat. This chick? Solo, no 401k, just vibes. Makes me sad, man, where’s the teamwork?

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So, I’m sittin’ there, twiddlin’ my thumbs, when my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “You won’t believe what I just saw!” I’m thinkin’, “Oh great, what now?” Turns out, he saw a bunch of kids on the beach at Buckie Bay, tryin’ to build a sandcastle. But instead of sand, they were usin’ seaweed. I mean, who does that? I laughed so hard, I nearly spilled my coffee.

Buckie Thistle's Sam Morrison wants own Scottish Cup day to remember after missing Celtic tie