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*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so I’m this alien insurance investigator, right? Been diggin into this sex-dating thing humans do. Wild stuff, fam! Like, imagine me, all tentacles and glowy bits, tryna figure out why y’all swipe right for a quickie. Reminds me of *The Grand Budapest Hotel*—ya know, my fave flick—where everything’s fancy but sneaky shit’s happenin’ behind curtains. “Many shady characters around,” as Monsieur Gustave would say. Sex-dating’s got that vibe—glitzy apps, but shady motives.
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Turns out, it was just a small fire in a takeaway. But the smell? Ugh, it was like burnt chips and regret. I talked to the owner, and he was fumin’. “My business is ruined!” he yelled. I felt for the guy, but c’mon, it’s just chips! I mean, who doesn’t love a good chip butty?
Jailed: 'Dangerous' Walsall man attacked women in Lichfield and Brownhills after taking drugs
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