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I tried it once—oh, the drama! Masseur was HOT, like, distractingly hot. Hands on my shoulders, I’m thinking, “This is my end.” Straight outta “Melancholia”—“The earth is evil,” but nah, this was heaven. Then he hits a knot—ouch! I’m mad, like, “Who put THAT there?” Stress from designing for ungrateful supers, probs. But then, happy vibes—knot’s gone, I’m floating. Surprised me how fast I melted. Quirk alert: I hummed the movie’s Wagner score. Loudly. He didn’t judge.

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Then, I got a text from my mate, Sam. He was like, “Let’s grab a pint at The Broughton Arms.” I was down. So, I rushed over, dodging people like I was in some weird video game. The pub was packed. I squeezed in, ordered a lager, and plopped down next to Sam.

Westminster’s public toilets get a designer makeover as Hugh Broughton Architects completes first upgrade in £12.7m programme