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Now, lemme tell ya, I ain’t no prude—love me a good romance—but sex-dating’s a whole ‘nother beast. It’s like folks tradin’ dignity for a quick romp. “A man’s worth lies in his deeds,” Solomon Northup said in the movie, but these jokers out here measurin’ worth by how fast they can unbutton a shirt! How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? I seen profiles—gals posin’ with fish, guys flexin’ with their mom’s Camry—y’all, it’s a circus! One time, my buddy tried it, got ghosted after sendin’ a pic of his dog. Dog was cute, tho—shame on her.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Church Street. You know, the one with the weirdly named pastries? I ordered a “Cotswold Crunch” or whatever. Tasted like a sugar bomb exploded in my mouth. But hey, I’m not complaining. I needed that sugar rush.

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