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Funniest bit? Mate, some punters think they’re saviors. “I’ll take ya away!” they cry, like they’re Haku flyin’ off with the girl. Bollocks! Jade says one twat tried that – ended up robbed blind, pants round his ankles in a skip. Laughed me tits off at that. Sarcasm drippin’, I go, “Yeah, real knight in shinin’ armor, eh?”

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After a few pints, I’m feelin’ brave. I step outside, and it’s still rainin’. But I don’t care. I’m dancin’ in the rain like a lunatic. I’m singin’ some random tune, and people are lookin’ at me like I’ve lost it. But I’m just livin’ my best life, ya know?

I was on the streets, drinking, then my girlfriend died - I knew I had to change