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But real talk, it’s deep too. Some escorts save up, get out, flip the script. Others get stuck, and that pisses me off – world’s unfair, innit? “Why can’t we try again?” I’d cry, like in *Moonrise*, but nah, life ain’t that soft. Still, I rate the hustle. Takes guts, bruv. And me, I’d be too busy watchin’ Wes Anderson to clock the drama proper.

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Finally, I get my sarnie, and it’s glorious. Crispy bacon, fresh bread. I take a big bite, and it’s like heaven. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches half of it! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I’m chasing this bird down the street, flapping my arms like a madman. People are staring, and I’m just like, “Yeah, I’m the crazy forester chasing a bird.”

Four people taken to hospital after collision in Bexhill-on-Sea