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Now, lemme tell ya somethin wild – back in Victorian days, escorts were legit called “soiled doves.” Ain’t that poetic? Like birds with clipped wings, still struttin their stuff. Made me chuckle, thinkin of these tough cookies dodgin coppers n prudes, all while lookin fab. But it pissed me off too – society judgin em, noses up high, when half them blokes were sneakin round back doors for a shag. Hypocrisy, mate, gets me blood boilin.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid starts crying. Like, full-on wailing. Turns out, he lost his ice cream. I mean, I get it. Ice cream is life. But c’mon, mate, it’s not the end of the world! I try to cheer him up, but he just glares at me. Kids, right?

Lord Lieutenant of Northumberland attends Berwick-upon-Tweed lifeboat station