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But yo, some places rip you off, fam! Charge you 50 quid for a quick fumble, no happy endin’, nothin’. Pissed me right off, I was fumin’ – “Oi, where’s the good shit?” I yelled. Mate next to me goes, “Chill, it’s relaxation,” and I’m like, “Relaxation my arse, I want fireworks!” Still, when it’s good, it’s bare good – leaves you floatin’, all calm and horny at the same time. Weird combo, innit?

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Finally, he shows up, looking like he’s just run a marathon. I’m like, “Dude, you good?” And he’s all flustered, saying he took a wrong turn on Colne Road. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, come on! It’s not like we’re in London or something. Anyway, we dive into the session, and he starts opening up about his fears. I’m feeling all the feels, you know? It’s like, I’m here to help, but man, it’s heavy stuff.

'Truly overwhelming.:' Owner of new Pendle bar on support from customers since doors opened