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Rarrgh! Little fact—ancient Greeks did this shit, called it “anatripsis,” sexy rubbin for warriors, loosens em up, gets em riled too. Bet they didn’t tell wives bout that! Makes me happy thinkin bout it—secret lil thrill, y’know? But pisses me off when folks judge it, like, “ooh, too dirty!” Man, chill, it’s just bodies bein bodies!

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So, I’m there, trying to trim these roses, and I swear, one of ‘em bit me. Okay, maybe not bite, but it pricked me good. I yelped like a little kid. “Stupid rose!” I shouted. The neighbors must’ve thought I was mad. But hey, it’s Banstead, everyone’s a bit mad here.

Horley community assets given to Reigate and Banstead council