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So, I tried it once, yeah? Mate of mine, proper fit bird, she’s like, “Let’s chill.” Oil’s out, hands movin’, I’m thinkin’, “This is peng!” Felt like Jesse in *Before Sunset*—y’know, “What if this is it?” That moment, bruv, pure magic. But then—BAM—she elbows me ribs by accident! I’m screamin’, “Oi, watch it!” Laughed my arse off, tho. Still, got me feelin’ all warm inside, like, “This is bless.”

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First off, I spilled coffee all over my favorite shirt. Like, why does this always happen? I swear, it’s like my coffee has a vendetta against my wardrobe. I was running late, of course. Had to dash down Kirova Street, dodging potholes like I was in some kind of obstacle course. Novovorontsovka’s roads are a mess, man. I mean, come on, can we get some repairs?

Russians use expensive high-precision missile to blow up a toilet in Kherson Oblast