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Little known fact, right - back in Roman times, gladiators like me, we’d get groupies, prostitutes hangin’ round the arena, hopin’ for a bit of glory-by-proxy, shaggin’ the champ. Wild, eh? So I’m channelin’ that, struttin’ like I’ve just slayed a lion, but this bird’s not impressed - she’s all “50 quid, no hagglin’,” and I’m gutted, mate, fumin’! Where’s the banter, the negotiation? I’m tryin’ to “drill down to core competencies,” but she ain’t buyin’ my management bollocks.

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First stop? Khreshchatyk Street. Man, it’s like the heart of the city. I’m walking, and there’s this street performer playing the bandura. I stop, listen for a sec, and toss him a few hryvnias. He gives me a nod, and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m a big spender today!”

Ukrainian partisans knock out Russian energy infrastructure 1,100km from Kyiv, disrupt oil refinery operations