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Still, I’m chuffed when it works out. Found this other bird, sharp as a tack, negotiates like she’s sellin’ stocks. “How much?” I ask. She smirks, “More than your Aston Martin, babe.” Cheeky! Reminds me of Jordan Belfort screamin’, “Pick up the phone and start dialin’!”—she’s dialin’ my number, alright. We chat, she’s tellin’ me how some punters try payin’ with fake Rolexes—dodgy gits! Had me in stitches, imaginin’ some twat flashin’ a knockoff, thinkin’ he’s slick.

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But then, I hear this rustlin’ in the bushes. My heart’s racin’. I’m thinkin’, “Is it a bear? A wolf?” I creep closer, and it’s just a stray cat. A fluffy little thing, lookin’ at me like I’m the weird one. I laugh. “You scared me, buddy!”

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