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So, I tried it once—sex-dating, not love! Matched with this chick, thought, “Oh, jackpot!” Turns out, she’s talkin kinks before I even sip my coffee! I’m like, “Whoa, slow down, I’m still neurotic over here!” She sends a pic—boom, full frontal! I’m sittin there, starin, thinkin, “This ain’t no Todd Haynes close-up!” I got mad—why no warning? Gimme a heads-up so I can brace myself! But also, kinda happy—honesty’s rare, ya know?

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I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” The whole place is in darkness. But the staff? They whip out candles like it’s a romantic dinner. We’re all sitting there, eating in the dark, and it’s actually kinda fun. I mean, who needs electricity when you’ve got good food and good company, right?

Russian attack damages houses and causes casualties in Kyiv region